For the light
by Not Just a Nerd
Summary: In which Sara says goodbye to Laurel and Leonard helps her cope. Implied Leonard x Sara. Tribute to Laurel Lance. One-shot.
**Warning: MAJOR ARROW SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 4X18. Do not read if you don't want it spoiled.**

 **A/N: Oh God. I don't even know how to mourn. I can't. Laurel Lance, Black Canary, you are my beacon of hope, and I love you forever. This is my attempt to grieve you, with Sara Lance. To my fellow birds of prey *Tight hug***

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Flarrow verse or any of its characters.**

* * *

It's a strong wave of denial when she first hears the news from Rip. This cannot be happening. This isn't real. Laurel isn't dead. Laurel _can't_ be dead.

"But this future hasn't cemented itself yet, right? We can still fix it?" she pleads, already plotting out a thousand ways in her head to kill a thousand people before they can even touch her sister.

"I am so sorry, Sara," Rip says sincerely.

She shakes her head. She is not going to give in and accept this. This isn't what she came back to life for. "No. We can fix it. We have to fix it."

"Sara-" Rip starts to reason.

The rage hits her then, a rage unlike any she has ever known. Not the thirst for blood that comes as a side-effect of the pit, not the need to kill from the training at the hands of the League of Assassins. This is a different kind of fire, one that is willing to burn the world to a cinder till it redeems itself by undoing the injustice it has done to Dinah Laurel Lance, the woman who's always trying to save the world, the woman who saved her, in more ways than one. She cuts Rip off, with her blade poised at his throat. "Fix it," she demands, eyes burning with determination. "You're changing history to save your family. Why can't we save mine?"

"We're changing history to save the _world_ ," Rip points out.

Leonard has been quiet so far, along with the rest of the team. They do not know what to say. Ray cannot believe it either. Stein, Jax and Kendra are truly sorry. But expressing condolences will not help Sara, and they all know that. Leonard knows that too.

He also knows that Sara might actually kill Rip if he doesn't intervene.

"Here's what we are gonna do," he says, as he places a hand on Rip's chest and pushes him back, away from Sara. He looks at Sara, who looks ready to kill him as well if needed, but he keeps his words directed at Rip. "Sara and I are going to take a walk. You are going to look at all possible timelines and all possible ways we can save Laurel. And we are going to talk about the best one when we get back here."

Sara looks like she is about to protest, but then she spares a glance at her team. Everyone is staring at her with such blatant sympathy in their eyes. Sympathy for the death of a woman they barely knew. Sympathy for her because she is now truly alone and truly lost in this big cruel world. She can't take it anymore. She makes a run for her room, and Leonard follows.

She paces the length of the floor endlessly, her body shaking with the shock waves still rippling through her very being. Leonard watches quietly, sitting at the edge of her bed, with his eyes fixed on her. He won't push. She can take all the time she needs to process it and be ready to get it out.

"I'm the one who's supposed to be dead," she finally says, her voice weak, barely a whisper floating through the air, like it's chasing after the ghost of a woman who was so very alive the last time she saw her. "I was dead. _Laurel_ brought me back. She should be alive. She would be alive if it wasn't for me!" Her voice slowly rises, her words coming between shaky breaths. "She became the Black Canary because of _me_. If I was never the canary, she would still be alive." The tears finally fall, and her voice grows thick, the guilt free-flowing now. "I want to go back, Len. I don't want to be the canary. I don't want to do this anymore. I want my sister, and my daddy, and I just want to go home." At this point, she is openly sobbing. Leonard is standing, with his hands on her arms, gently soothing her. She buries her face in his chest and hugs him tightly, shutting out the world that she can't bear to look at anymore. It's so out of character for her, to show such vulnerability, it makes him scared for her. "I need to tell her I love her and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have slept with Oliver. I shouldn't have gone on the Gambit with him. I should have just died when it sank. I should have died on that island. I never should have come back! I never should have come back!"

He rubs her back. His heart breaks for her. If this was Lisa, who knows what he would have done by now. He can only imagine the pit of darkness and despair Sara is in. And he has no idea how to show her the light. _Laurel_ was her light.

"I didn't even get to say goodbye," she continues, hiccups now rocking her shoulders. "Mom, dad, nobody got to her in time. She died alone, Len. She died talking to _Oliver_ about _Felicity_ in her last moments. How fucked up is that? Laurel deserved better. So much better." She pulls back then, and wipes at her eyes violently, pulling her chin up and trying her very best to be strong. Her eyes lose all emotion, face hardened and jaw set tightly. "If we can't save her, then I sure as hell am going to kill her murderers. I'll kill them all. I will torture them to death slowly over days."

Leonard finally speaks, his tone calm but missing the usual icy edge. "That's not who Laurel wanted you to be."

Sara laughs a humorless laugh. "Laurel is _dead_. She can't see who I am. Why does it matter?"

"Laurel saved you," he tells her softly. "Don't undo that. She may have died without her family around, but she died knowing _you_ were alive and you were a hero."

She glares at him. "So what? I'm just supposed to sit and do nothing? Let those bastards get away?"

"Oh, no, we _will_ ice them," he clarifies. "But not out of hate, not for revenge. We will do it for the light."

Sara sinks to the ground, a sigh escaping her drained body. She is exhausted, like an overflowing ocean bottomed out. She just wants to sleep. "She's really gone, isn't she?"

He sits down next to her.

"I can't even use the pit. It won't be Laurel anymore. It'll be selfish of me to bring her back to become a person she never was and never wants to be." She sighs again, her eyes unfocused and emotionless, until she shuts them tightly, and tries to picture their childhood, back when things were simple and death wasn't all around and she and Laurel could fight over chocolates and dolls. A small smile creeps on her face at the memory of Laurel dying her doll's hair black and her dying Laurel's doll's hair blue in retaliation. If only she could go back in time and relieve these moments again.

There's a knock on her door, and she opens her eyes to see Rip standing there. "Sara, I may not be able to save your sister, but I may be able to do a little something that might help."

* * *

It's surreal to see Laurel again, specially in a setting like this- in her office, on her desk, pouring over files of cases, oblivious about what is to come in just a few days. She knows she can't tell her about it, she understands the reasons- the future changes itself and becomes something worse, and all that shit. All she can do is have one last proper moment with Dinah Laurel Lance.

She walks up to Laurel, and Laurel blinks when she looks up. "Sara? I didn't expect you to be back so soon."

"I'm not," Sara says with a shrug. "We made a pit-stop. I thought I'd come by and see you."

Laurel smiles, standing and walking up to her little sister. "I'm so proud of you." She kisses the top of her head. "I know you can beat Savage."

Sara feels the tears welling in her eyes. God, it hurts. It hurts so much. The Universe is cruel. Why do they have to keep losing each other? "I love you," she says against the bile rising in her throat. "And I'm sorry. For everything. I want you to know that."

Laurel studies her face carefully. "I love you, and I'm sorry too. But it's all in the past. Why are you bringing this up now? Are you okay?"

Sara nods, forcing a smile on her face. "I'm fine. I just miss you already." And that's the closest to the truth she is allowed to speak.

Laurel smiles back, hugging her tightly. "I miss you too. Come home safe. We will go out for pizza and beers."

Sara closes her eyes. Pizza and beers. That's never going to happen now. Everything she's pushed back for later is not going to happen now. Laurel is gone, Laurel is slipping away already, and she has to tell her everything she needs to _right now_. "I met someone," she blurts out. "And I'm happy. I wanted you to know that."

Laurel looks delighted. "You will have to introduce me to him or her when you get back."

"Sure," Sara manages to say. A clerk comes into the office then to deliver loads of paperwork. She knows it's time to leave. "I'll see you again," she says, and with one final hug and one final look at her sister, one final moment to register the content smile on her face and the determination in her eyes, she leaves.

Dinah Laurel Lance, the Black Canary, the justice you can't run from, beloved daughter, friend, and sister, the woman who saved her, the one who showed her how to get back up when you are nailed to the ground, the one who taught her to be a better person, to be a hero in the light, the woman who is her light. And she will do it for the light.


End file.
